I remembered how jealous I would become when she’d refer to one of her other male friends as “Joey” or “Kevy” (always a diminutive form, never “Joe” or “Kevin” and liked to watch me rage inside as she’d talk about how cute he was. I realized just then, with the knowledge of my decades-older current self that Ruth was not merely trying to get a reaction from me, or even be cruel. She was goading me into action. She wanted me to just grab her and kiss her instead of retreating inside my head like I used to do, wishing that she’d accept that I was her man. After all, I was who she spent her night with every night, even if we were miles apart and connected only by a copper telephone line. I decided for the moment to just savor the realism of this dream/memory and let it play out as it had, hoping my memory of events hadn’t degraded too much over the decades. Perhaps, since this was just a dream, I could change the outcome, and in this way experience what might have been. I looked at Ruth. He not only had to care for himself since he was in diapers, he was responsible for keeping her functional. The stress exacerbated his father’s alcoholism, and he largely emotionally withdrew from his life. To hide his own shame, he had to cover for them both by lying about his home life. Why you think he no have a single childhood friend?”Toni’s mouth dropped open. “You won’t believe this, but I’m getting a word for word translation from Trillan.”“Geez!” Phil exclaimed, holding his hands up and glancing at the ceiling. “You guys are no help at all, until you see a chance to embarrass me, and then it’s all hands on deck.”“What did they say?” Emma asked.“They said his childhood was much more disturbed than he’s ever let on. He’s never said much about his younger years, which I always took to mean he’s just extremely private and closed. All this time, I’ve thought he never loved Mom and I, and now it turns out he’s as emotionally crippled as those he’s treating.”“That’s because I.
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